Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
