Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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