Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Green mimosas i think yes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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