I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
