The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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