What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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