He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
