help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
