I have demons in me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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