So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
