i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
