Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
