The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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