I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
