he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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