STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
