is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
