i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You can't special order awesome
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize