Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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