I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize