Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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