While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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