Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
