i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
