You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
