Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
