She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
