So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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