i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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