saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my being single is dangerous.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
