Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize