my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
