fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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