This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
