His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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