While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
