I feel great
I just peed on a car
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
