The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
