so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
