i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize