And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
