The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
