I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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