meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
