I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
someone threw a dead crab at me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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