I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
