I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize