my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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