These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
