About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
