He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
