There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize