you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
