I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
