apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
