dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
