Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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