we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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