I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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