oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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