fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
