upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
