I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
