I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
