I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
