What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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