I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
