Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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